MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Another year has rushed by and I find myself thinking…Didn’t I just write this!? As I continue to gracefully get older, I find myself full of the charm and wisdom that comes with age (my dad prefers to call it BS) and since I have so much of it, I would like to pass some “wisdom” on to you.
If you ever have 2 yr old twins named Mylee & Maddie: never leave them alone for a second. Never let them feed themselves. Throw away all crayons, markers and pens with the realization you can never have them in your house again. Don’t tell anyone about them or you won’t have any babysitters. If you want your pets to live give them to someone else. If they ever become extremely quiet, you know that either a: you just lost something very important or b: that you are going to have to remodel a room. Any pictures taken will be of them destroying something, running away, fighting or so up close all you see is a nostril. You will need to throw away the baby monitor or you’ll never get a good night sleep, and never let them fall asleep on you, for their deceptively angelic appearance will deceive you, not allowing you to put them into bed but hold them in your arms until either your butt falls asleep or you do.
If you ever have a 3 yr old named Kayden: never let Papa teach him how to play Halo, Big Game Hunter, Wii Sports or any other game system cuz you will never see him again, and if he happens to grace you with his presence expect a horrible odor to follow along with a tantrum cuz he had to pause his shooting. Never let him watch movies to fall asleep cuz he won’t and then he will climb in bed with you at 2am in the morning and not want to get up the next day. He will eat sparingly throughout the day and be starving at midnight. He will not want to live with you but instead will do his best to runaway to Nana’s or NaeNae’s house. If you get the chance to tickle him, DON’T for his laughter will make you laugh, and you will laugh so much you will wet yourself.
If you ever have a 10 yr old named Sariah: never let her go near your makeup cuz she will put it on, turn seventeen, then a horn will honk and she will run out the door to some guy named Tyrone on a Harley. Never let her cook for she will make pancakes out of flour, oil and eggs because she made the recipe up in her head and wants you to eat every bite. Never let her see you cry because then she will make fun of you for being a wuss. Never ever let her win an argument or remember something you forgot for then, in that instant, you will have become very old, you will never live it down and she will eye roll you to death. Always check her homework, if you don’t she will forge your name saying you did and still get bad grades anyways. Never let her do crafts, for she will want to do them all the time, will spend all of your money, make a mess and her wonderful creation will be the center piece of your fridge for years because it was super glued on.
If you ever have an 11 yr old named Tim: never let him talk you out of cutting his hair because in the next week it will have grown so long, thick and soft you have to use hedge clippers to cut it and by then he will have talked you out of cutting it, AGAIN. You will need to attach a bell to his neck so that you can hear him coming cuz he is as quiet as a ghost, and sometimes just as scary. Never let him watch t.v. for he will record every episode of Spongebob, Samuri Jack and Star Wars that he can. Never ask him to take out the garbage cuz you will end up following him out there to throw it in, the wuss! NEVER EVER let him near your fridge for he will experiment and create a concoction called Peanut Butter and Pickle sandwich, which will make you smell for days and people will avoid you. Don’t let any girls see or meet him, for if you do be prepared to get out the shotgun.
If you ever marry a man named Kendall: never let him watch sports for he will be addicted and you will lose the chance to watch Desperate Housewives, Super Nanny or any other awesome show. He will never put his clothes away but instead keep them next to the bed in case he falls out. Never argue construction with him and then try to get your dad to side with you cuz then you will have two people against you and if you ever question the construction process you will get stuck doing it yourself and reading the instructions upside down. Remember to make enough food for 12 people so that he will have enough to eat and then a snack a midnight. Never ever let him know how much you love him cuz he will just tell you that he loves you more.
If you ever marry a woman named Sharee: Never Ever argue with her! She is always right and God will strike you down if you do. Don’t ever forget to tell her you love her cuz your tongue will fall out of your head. Remember that she is the most beautiful woman in the world and you are lucky that you have her, and that she cooks every night. Be grateful that she even remotely likes you or that she will hug you even when you smell bad, and takes care of everyone, while only complaining Alot and still has the time to tell you what to do cuz you know that you don’t know what you would do without her!
As I wrap this up, I would like to say Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Hopefully my “wisdom” will help you at some point along the way this New Year, and that your holidays were great, memories are in the making and peanut butter and pickle is eaten. Love to all,
Sariah, Mylee, Kendall, Kayden, Madisen, Sharee and Tim